


The Cadaver Conspiracy Club

by Pickle_Me_Up



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, College, Gen, Mystery, Original Character-centric, Post-Canon, Skeletons, Some Humor, Supernatural Elements, canon characters will appear later, kind of a scooby doo parody if you squint your eyes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2020-11-27 04:03:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20941973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pickle_Me_Up/pseuds/Pickle_Me_Up
Summary: What if the Metro City Nursing School students noticed the disappearance of their skeleton prop that Metro Man used to fake his death?Based on https://mega-headcanons.tumblr.com/post/186699580750/the-students-attending-the-nearby-nursing





	1. Roxanne Ritchi's Eyewitness Testimony

_ **"So I borrowed a prop from a nearby nursing school, and Metro Man was finally, dead."** _

_'...Megamind was strutting off to leave the fake observatory and Minion was shaking the sleep spray can, ready to put me out, when we heard Metro Man thrashing through the speakers. We all turned towards the main screen where Metro Man was flying randomly at the walls of the dome creating obvious dents in it. He was struggling to get out. Megamind rushed over to the screen._

_"Good Lord, I'm trapped!" Metro Man exclaimed while crouching on the floor._

_"What kind of trickery is this?" Megamind asked._

_Metro Man looked to him. _

__

__

_"You mad Genius. Your dark gift has finally paid off!"_

_"It...it has?" Megamind responded, hopefully, but still apprehensive. We were all expecting this to be some kind of trick. Metro Man never loses. _

_"This dome...is obviously lined...with copper. Copper...drains my powers," Metro Man revealed. Each word took painful effort for him to get out._

_I could hear the faint sound of a countdown in an automated voice. The countdown to Megamind's machine fire._

_Metro Man was shaking under an invisible pressure. I had never seen him like this before. He was still holding on, remaining strong for us until the bitter end. _

_At that moment, Megamind's death ray struck the Abandoned Observatory that Metro Man was in. I could see it from the large opening in the fake observatory dome that we were in. A slim beam of pure light struck the building. I could hear the controlled sound of a laser beam. For a single moment, all was calm. But then, suddenly, the observatory erupted in a thunderous roar and a colossal explosion burst from the building. The blazing light mixed with the clouds of dark smoke. It looked wrong against the serene, blue sky. Then, the shockwave from the explosion caught us all off-guard. Megamind and Minion were on the front lines. I buried my face in my neck to protect myself from the immense force. I could feel debris bouncing off my skin and heard them clang against the metal of the surroundings. _

_The blast calmed for a moment. We thought it was over. We let ourselves open our eyes to see. I caught a glimpse of it. The whole landscape was hidden in an ominous, dusky veil, before a light grew again, even brighter than before and a last powerful wave surged, sending Megamind and minion flying backwards, towards me. Then it was over. _

_The pair pulled themselves to their feet, groaning and coughing, but neither seemed to have sustained any serious injuries. _

_"I don't think even he could survive that," Minion spoke._

_"Well, let's not get our hopes up just yet," Megamind replied, peering into the distance for any sign of our hero._

_Among the ever-growing dark cloud, an unidentifiable speck seemed to be flying upward out of the centre of the explosion, leaving a condensation trail behind. _

_"Look!" exclaimed Minion, pointing it out. _

_We all knew it had to be him. Metro Man._

_"Metro Man," I declared, triumphantly. _

_The white blur grew larger as it approached us, a high pitched sound like a jet sung louder as he got nearer._

_"Metro Man," Megamind assured Minion, before realising this meant his own imminent capture."Metro Man!" he spoke again, louder, in panic. _

_The pair frantically stumbled around looking for an escape. But there wasn't one. They turned and Metro Man flew right into Megamind, pushing him onto the floor at full force. _

_But Metro Man wasn't moving. I could sense something was wrong. So did Megamind. He cautiously lifted Metro Man's cape to reveal Metro Man's face. To all of our surprise, what was revealed was a skull. Megamind stumbled back, horrified, letting out a gargled expression of consternation. The skeleton rattled as it landed on the floor, its arms stretched outright on either side. It was Metro Man's skeleton. It was definitely his; his strong chin and large frame were mirrored on the skeleton's figure. _

_We all stared at him wide-eyed, disbelieving what our eyes were telling us. _

_Metro Man was dead...'_  



	2. The Conspiracy Crew

Roxanne Ritchi's eyewitness testimony, in large print, was stuck to the whiteboard with blue tack. Certain sections and words _('Metro Man', 'seemed', 'painful effort', 'invisible force', 'Minion', 'copper', 'cape', 'chin')_ were circled or underlined or crossed out using different coloured highlighters and pens.

Two figures were standing either side of it, each holding a whiteboard pen. 

To the left was Akeem Alston _(Official co-founder and head researcher for The Cadaver Conspiracy Club and top performer in The Metro City School of Nursing)_, holding an expensive orange and black pen from his collection. He had written neat thought bubbles around the page, referencing specific lines, stating the scientific legitimacy of certain events. Each comment was accompanied by the relevant sources to websites, books or documentaries. 

To the right was Ren Roberts _(Official co-founder and unofficial leader of The Cadaver Conspiracy Club and part-time chat support agent)_. She was holding a well-worn blue and white school-property pen. She had been amusing herself by drawing accompanying doodles of Akeem's notes, including some depictions of Metro Man with a rather aggrandized chin line which succeeded in making Akeem smile.

The clock on the furthest wall told them that it was 16:15. 15 minutes after the official club session had started. 

The door creaked open slowly. The third member of the club revealed themselves: Bernice Brown _(Official Metro Man expert of The Cadaver Conspiracy Club and owner of the infamous 'Mrs-Metro-Man' fanfiction blog)_, along with her golden retriever: Ka-pow Brown _(Official Diabetes alert dog to Bernice Brown and all-round top-tier good boy)_.

She asked "So what've I missed?" in a tone which suggested that she didn't care.

"Copper!" Ren shrieked, motioning at the board with both hands. 

Bernice cringed at the exclamation in the same way she would cringe at her alarm clock going off. 

"Uh-huh," she replied in frustration. 

Ren beamed at Akeem, encouraging him to elaborate. 

"Copper was said to be Metro Man's weakness in Miss Ritchi's eyewitness testimony to the press..." Akeem began with a contained smile, "It's how Megamind supposedly defeated Metro Man."

Bernice drifted over to take a seat a couple of rows back from the front, with Ka-pow strutting closely next to her, forcing the head researcher to speak louder. Akeem took no offence. 

She leaned back uncomfortably in the cheap school chair and her face fell into a resting frown. 

Akeem continued "Don't you think it's a little odd. Metro Man, with powers comparable to a God, has a weakness to copper? Seems almost underwhelming."

"My thoughts exactly!" Ren claimed, eagerly.

Bernice gifted her a half-smirk.

"-Seems almost _unbelievable._ I did some research and found some very interesting-"

Akeem was interrupted by a quick knock at the door that caused everyone to jump. Ren dashed to open the door to the stranger. Beaming, Ren took her in. She was very pretty, with a very pretty albeit very pink sense of style. Her hair was the colour of cinnamon and pulled into what might have been a braided bun at the beginning of the day. 

"Hi! Can I help you?" Ren questioned a little too loudly. 

"Er...hi! So, is this the Cadaver Conspiracy Club?" she inquired while pointing to the clear sign stuck to the classroom door that read _'The Cadaver Conspiracy club!'_ written in Ren's hand.

Bernice rolled her eyes. 

"Indeed it is! How can I help?" Ren replied, charismatically.

"Are...are you still accepting members? I know I'm late..." she looked at her wristwatch and grimaced, "I needed to ask my lecturer some follow-up questions."

Bernice quickly declared "You've missed the first three sessions, Matilda. Joining now would be impossible-"

"-Of course! We're always accepting newcomers," Ren interrupted, opening the door all the way with an outstretched arm, signalling Matilda to come in.

Matilda Mishra sped into the classroom. She noted that the walls were mostly covered with various colourful diagrams of skulls, skeletal structures and digestive systems. She recognised the room from a lesson a couple of months back. Her class was moved due to some low-level damage caused by one of Megamind's plots from when he was evil. She could have sworn that there used to be a skeleton in the corner of the room. It only stuck out to her because it's chin was, somewhat, unnerving in its size. It had proved to be very distracting and she found herself having to email the teacher later for a recap of the lesson because she hadn't been focusing. 

"Welcome to the conspiracy crew. I'm Ren, this is the brilliant Akeem," Ren finger-guns towards the club's researcher, "and this is the defiant Bernice," Ren aim's her fingers to the Metro Man expert, "and last but not least, this is the living legend Ka-pow," Ren's guns fall and she gestures casually to the golden retriever, who doesn't take any notice.

Matilda's attention turned to the three members of the club. They didn't look as unhinged or as nerdy as she feared they would look. Well, the one by the board, Akeem, seemed nerdy, but in a good way. A productive way. His cosy-looking orange sweater was a surprising match to a professional, black, knee-length skirt and leggings. He stood with the prowess of a lecturer with a published novel but he was too young to be one. 

The girl who let her in, Ren, seemed friendly enough - she hadn't stopped smiling for their whole encounter and Matilda was starting to believe that might be just the way her face was built. She wore a smart white shirt that was rolled messily up her forearms and a blue pair of jeans that seemed a bit before the times.

Lastly, the girl that made no effort to hide the fact that she didn't want her here, Bernice. Matilda had seen her hanging alone in the library a few times with her face buried in Metro Man books. She figured the girl must have been some kind of fangirl, but now, hearing her speak, she sounded like she lacked the energy or commitment for that. A large, obedient dog took station next to her with a vest on which said _'Service dog'_. Placed clearly on the vest was a tag with the phrase _'I'm a complete tool, don't talk to me'_. Matilda felt a bit bad for the dog.

Ren closed the door and hopped over next to Akeem at the front of the room.

Matilda trudged over to Bernice and took a seat next to her, trying to appear friendly. Bernice looked over at her flatly.

"How do you know my name?" Matilda asked Bernice, innocently.

There was an awkward pause. Matilda sent an embarrassed glance to the other members before Bernice spoke.

"I've seen you rushing around the school. You bumped into me once on the way to class. Your books flew everywhere, all with your full name, phone number and email address written on them."

Matilda's eyes furrowed. "Oh, I remember that. I'm sure I apologised and If I remember right, you didn't even help me pick them up!"

"Why should I have? They were _your_ books," Bernice casually stated. 

Ren could see Matilda was readying her response, so she chided "Well today can be a fresh start, guys. Matilda, you arrived at a very exciting session." Ren motioned towards the board and proclaimed "We've made a breakthrough!"

Matilda leaned forward and raised her hand.

"Yes?" Akeem called, coolly.

"Can I get just a quick intro to this club?"

"You're telling me you want to join a club you know nothing about?" Bernice groaned.

Matilda sighed, defeatedly "My parents really wanted me to join."

Ren's smile finally broke and her head sunk.

"Could you not just tell your parents that you aren't interested?" Akeem said.

"Ah, I wish I could. Thing is, this is the fourth club they've asked me to join. I can't say no to them again."

"I see," Ren stated gloomily, "Perhaps," she spoke, hope tunnelling into her voice, "We will grow on you," she finished with her signature grin back.

Matilda forced a smile.

"We're like mystery solvers," Akeem spoke, "Our attention is focused on the presumed death of Metro City's former Hero, Metro Man." 

Matilda shivered a little at the mention of his name and spoke, with respect, "May he rest in peace."

Ren, Akeem and Bernice exchanged awkward glances.

"We don't believe he's dead," Bernice proudly announced with a quick smirk.

Matilda stiffened. 

"There is plenty of evidence to suggest that something fishy is going on in regards to his destruction," Akeem informed.

"Oh, c'mon guys. You shouldn't be saying things like that. It's an insult to his memory."

Ren bit her lower lip anxiously.

"If you don't like it, leave," Bernice proposed being entirely serious.

Akeem looked over to Ren and noticed her anxious demeanour. His mouth formed a slight pout.

"That's enough, Bernice," Akeem stated, assertively. 

Bernice groaned loudly and leaned back into her chair, crossing her arms over her stomach. Her attention turned to Ren's drawings on the board. The Metro Man expert scoffed.

"I understand your hesitance, Matilda," Akeem's focus switched to the new girl, his face softening a little, "but I can assure you I would not be here if I didn't truly believe there was something to this theory."

Matilda looked at Akeem and she checked his eyes, finding only a piercing sense of rationale and sense behind his bronze irides. She believed him. She trusted him. "I suppose, If Metro Man is alive, he'd have a lot to answer for."

"Indeed," Ren exclaimed, "Like, where was he during the Titan takeover? Why did he abandon us? What is he doing now? It's our civic duty to find the answers!"

"I'm sure he had a good reason," Bernice defended.

Matilda ignored Bernice and smiled a true smile full of determination. "Okay, I'm in!"

Ren didn't even attempt to hide her fist-pump. 

Horrified, Bernice hastily spoke: "So, Akeem, you were saying something about copper."

Everyone turned to Akeem.

"So, everyone knows that copper is meant to be Metro Man's weakness?" he projected, checking Matilda's response in particular.

She nodded.

"Well if you can all check your phones, I'll send some very intriguing pictures."

"I'll add you to the group chat Tilda. Can I call you Tilda?" Ren asked.

"Erm, I suppose that's alright, and thanks."

\--------------------------------------------

** _The Cadaver Conspiracy Club_  
**

****

****

**_Matilda Mishra_** was added by **_ohcaptainmycaptain._**

**_orangeyougladyoumetme_**: _sent 3 images_

**_Mrs-Metro-Flan_**: *Thumbs up*

**_ohcaptainmycaptain_**: :O

\--------------------------------------------

"Who is orange you glad you-you me t-t-?" 

"Orange you glad you met me! That's Akeem, on the account that he's always wearing that orange sweater, like always. Even back when we were two innocent high schoolers," Ren answered, a glint of nostalgia in her tone.

"I do wash it. Look, we can explain the nicknames later. Can we please focus on the images?" A light frustration was creeping into his voice.

Matilda, Ren and Bernice looked down at their phones in unison.

"Is that... Titan?" Matilda questioned.

Akeem nodded gleefully and began "His secret identity was Hal Stewart, confirmed by the Metro City police department. He only became Titan after he got Metro Man's powers."

"Do we know how he got those powers?" Matilda asked.

Akeem saw everyone look at him expectantly, and spoke ashamedly "No."

Everyone sank a little in their spots.

"Alright, but, see, look at the pictures. Megamind had him trapped inside a copper dome. Of course, he thought it would work; it worked on Metro Man. The copper acts as a restrictor for his powers, yet, it didn't work on Titan."

The last two pictures depicted Titan punching through the copper dome and tossing it away.

"It should have worked, but it didn't," Akeem pointed out, "So why didn't it?"

Matilda's face scrunched in thought.

Ren suggested confidently "Maybe Titan was stronger than Metro Man?"

Bernice responded nonchalantly "Relatively speaking, Metro Man and Titan's powers are almost identical. Except, Titan was slightly weaker due to his lack of experience...and brain cells. The copper should have worked."

"...Unless," Ren replied, tapping her whiteboard pen against her jaw, "Copper really does not have any effect on their powers."

Akeem smiled at her proudly. 

"Hang on a second." Matilda held her hand up again to speak, "Whether the copper affected Metro Man or not, he was still hit by a huge solar laser, right? Surely that would be enough to kill him anyway?"

Bernice took her cue and zoned in on Matilda, with a scowl on her face "Incorrect. Metro Man's powers were theorised to be infinite. You think he couldn't handle the heat from Megamind's sunbeam?"

Matilda pressed her lips together with annoyance but leaned forward attentively. 

Bernice leaned back again, now projecting to the other two members, and continued "He has laser eyes, which have been measured to reach temperatures higher than a blue supergiant, which is somewhere over 30,000 kelvin."

"For reference, the sun is measured at somewhere over 5,800 kelvin," Akeem added and began to write the figures clearly on the whiteboard. 

"That's nearly 5.2 times hotter than the sun-powered laser would have been," Matilda murmured, without skipping a beat. 

Bernice spied at her briefly, her eyes widening just the tiniest fraction.

"So it stands to reason that if he could manage with heat that close to his raw eyeball, then he could manage temperatures far weaker than that on the more brauner parts of his body," Ren determined, while motioning wildly to her eye, then to another picture she had drawn on the board of Metro Man melting in the sun with little dignity. 

"So logic states that Metro Man shouldn't be dead," Akeem concluded, dissatisfied. 

Matilda furrowed her brow.

_"So what now?"_


	3. Dwayne The Skeleton

Akeem instinctively looked to Ren.

"We need cold, hard evidence. Say, does anyone know anything about DNA testing?"

A wilder expression donned her face, like a villain with their nemesis trapped before them.

"What are you thinking of, specifically?" Akeem questioned.

"The skeleton."

Bernice's face couldn't decide on horror or joy and landed on dark curiosity. Akeem swayed unsteadily. Ka-pow snorted disapprovingly at the crew.

"Am I missing something?" Matilda called into the dark void the members had lost themselves in. 

Ren jumped out of her spell. 

"Newcomer," she called, "we must bring you up to speed."

Suddenly, Akeem's body regained its strength and his eyes opened wider than Matilda had ever seen them grow before.

Ren sweetly requested "Akeem, tell her the story, please? You always tell it best," 

Matilda could have sworn Akeem giggled in sheepish glee before clearing his throat and crossing his arms. His eyes narrowed and focused in on her.

_'The classroom of the Cadaver conspiracy club was filled with juniors which included Ren and Akeem sat next to each other. Well, Ren was less sat, more sprawled over two chairs trying to take in all the commotion from the crowd of classmates around her. The lecturer hadn't shown up yet, neither had two-thirds of the class, and the session was 20 minutes in. The topic of interest was the missing skeleton from the corner of the room which the scholars had affectionately named Dwayne. Dwayne often acted as their lecturer's sidekick or ravishing assistant. He had made home in their hearts. So you can imagine, when the day came and they sauntered into the classroom to find their boy Dwayne missing, it caused quite some heartbreak. _

_"What the heck happened to Dwayne then?" a random member of the crowd asked._

_"Him and Miss have really been hitting it off lately. Maybe they've gone to get some privacy?" Ren suggested with a wink._

_A wave of guffaws spread through the students nearby. _

_"That would certainly explain things," Akeem looked to his wristwatch and let out an embittered sigh._

_"Hey, maybe it was Megamind!" another random student piped up._

_"What would Megamind want with Dwayne?" Akeem sneered._

_The random student's shoulders slumped. _

_"Hey, maybe it was one of Megamind's new machines!" Ren suggested, lightly elbowing Akeem in the stomach."Maybe he came up with a genius machine that lets him bring things back from the dead."_

_"I'm sure Dwayne is made of plastic."_

_"A genius machine that grants inanimate objects sentience then."_

_"Why would he do that?" Akeem kept her attention._

_"Why does he do anything? Because he's evil."_

_The same boy who suggested Dwayne's disappearance was due to Megamind, thought out loud "I suppose now he's killed Metro Man, he can do whatever he wants-" _

_"-He didn't kill Metro Man," Bernice cut them off. _

_Everyone's attention turned to the girl sitting a generous distance away from them. Her hair was a little oiler than usual and she was coddling Ka-pow behind his ears. _

_The boy puffed his chest out and dismissed her "It was broadcast on live television. We all saw it." _

_She jumped into the conversation again before they had time to move on "Don't you think it's a bit of a coincidence that the day after Metro Man supposedly dies, our skeleton prop-"_

_"-Dwayne." Ren affectionately adds._

_"...Dwayne, is found missing?"_

_"What are you suggesting?" Akeem pushes his glasses up the ridge of his nose._

_"I think Metro Man used it to trick Metro Man into thinking it was him."_

_"Are you for real?" the same stranger bellowed, swaying their head back hard in fake laughter, almost falling back in his chair._

_No one else seemed to find it as funny._

_"It's better than your theories, hey Ren," Akeem gently gave Ren's upper arm a joking pat. _

_"Oi," Ren laughed back at him "but fair, that's probably the most creative idea so far."_

_Ren's face suddenly crumbled. Akeem looked to her with concern._

_"Although, I think I've just had another one."_

_"What is it Ren?" another one of the crowd members asked with mirthful anticipation._

_"I think I know where the teacher is." _

_"Where?" Akeem interrogated. _

_"At home, cowering away from Megamind, just like the other much smarter students who haven't turned up."_

_Akeem huffed, insulted, but nonetheless started packing his stationary away._

_"Oh shoot!" a stranger shouted and started to clear up their things like their life depended on it. _

_The crowd and Ren rushed to do the same._

_Bernice groaned loudly "Metro Man wouldn't let anything happen to us."_

_If anything, the group began to pack faster._

_Bernice squinted her eyes at them but, despite her irritation, slowly edged to put away her mountain of books. With so many Metro Man themed publications, one had to wonder whether she had been planning on paying attention to the lesson at all._

_Most of the class had legged it, some giving Ren a few goodbyes and one 'See you...when this all blows over.' One or two had even left their number in her denim jacket pocket._

_Ren smiled generously as they left but with her bag filled, she made no move to leave, so neither did Akeem._

_Bernice had just finished packing up when she noticed the other two were still there. _

_She moved to stand in front of Ka-pow._

_"Going to make fun of me? Well, go on then," Bernice spat._

_Ren almost jumped back. Akeem looked unimpressed._

_"Of course not!" Ren asserted, "No, I just, I just wanted to ask you about your theory."_

_Bernice scoffed._

_"I just made it up. It was a joke."_

_"Pretty clever joke," Akeem commented, raising his eyebrow._

_Ren took a step closer to Bernice. _

_"I think its a fascinating idea. Oh, I mean joke!" Ren winked with a smile._

_Bernice's face began to falter. Even though they had been in the same class for nearly a year now, she felt like she was seeing Ren for the first time, noticing her platinum dyed hair jot just past her ears, like she might have had a pixie cut a few years ago. Her slightly oversized denim ensemble, which Bernice couldn't believe she thought looked cool when Ren was lounging just a few minutes ago. She looked like an androgynous deity going through a midlife crisis. Apart from her face. Her face was an overwhelming picture of fleeting thoughts and emotions. All of which Bernice wanted to preserve and keep for herself. _

_"Well, I think you'll find Metro Man making an appearance again soon before Megamind does anything too evil." Bernice confided, like a secret from behind the curtain that she wasn't meant to be sharing. _

_"I hope so." Akeem reflected, seeing a grey cloud drift leisurely over the centre of the city through the window.'_

"So, this was all Bernice's idea?" Matilda asked, taken aback.

"Don't act so surprised," Bernice scolded, but she was too proud to put any true scorn into her voice.

"It was Ren and I who went through the process of getting the club accepted by the college committee and officially founding it," Akeem pointed out, face looking drained just by mentioning the ordeal.

Bernice smirked mildly and Matilda could tell Bernice thought of herself as the mastermind behind it all. Matilda wondered, _why does Bernice love Metro Man so much when Megamind seems a much better fit for her?_

"The skeleton you mentioned earlier, you were talking about..._Dave?"_ Matilda eyed Ren.

_"Dwayne,"_ Bernice corrected, oblivious to the irony.

"Dwayne, yes. Well, maybe. That's what we'll find out." Ren's mischevious grin kept growing.

Matilda looked baffled.

"Bernice," Ren rapidly turned to point at her.

If Ren was trying to make her jump, she failed.

"Your brother, does he still work at the Megamind museum?"

Something clicked behind Bernice's eyes and Ren's impish expression emerged on to her features. 

_"Yes, yes he does."_

_As the gang continue their plotting, unbeknownst to them, a hovering bot was paying close attention through the college window to their left. Its body was shifting from left to right and back again, making sure to keep up with each current speaker. _

_Unbeknownst to the brain bot, a bluejay had been paying close attention to them and the way the spikes on the top of their head glinted in the sunlight. The bluejay made to pounce.  
_

__

__

_ It darted at the oblivious cyborg in a shot, its claws extended out in front. _

_The brain bot jumped at the impact. The bluejay toyed with the metal, trying to pull it free, but to no avail. The brain bot freaked, rushing this way and that to get the bird to let go while shrieking a set of 'beeps' and 'bowgs'. The feathered thief started shrieking back a determined war cry._

A bump on the window caused Akeem to turn his head from the discussion. 

The others were too lost in themselves to notice.

He recognised the brain bot immediately. It looked to be having some trouble with the local wildlife. _No wonder,_ Akeem thought, _a shiny trophy like that could win the attention of any companion the Jay wants._

The brain bot noticed Akeem staring while they were in the midst of battle. They screamed a startled _"Bowg!",_ and then summoned the energy and control to force itself out of the view of the window.

Akeem decided not to dwell on what Megamind's servant bot was doing out there and turned his attention back to Ren who was instructing the other members, saying something about Matilda talking to her lecturer about the college's DNA testing apparatus.

Bernice was waiting at the Nursing school car park. Before she and Ka-pow had a chance to get comfortable, a microbus painted brown drove up to her.

Bernice wordlessly opened the side door to allow Ka-Pow to leap in. After closing the side door, she opened the passenger door and climbed in to sit next to her older brother who was slumped forward, impatiently tapping at the steering wheel. 

Once Bernice had secured herself, he pulled out and circled round to get back on to the main road. 

A couple of minutes of silent driving passed before Bernard spoke in his classic monotone accent "Anything interesting happen at the club?" sounding like a brother forced to make-up with his sibling after a fight. 

"New member. She doesn't seem like she cares too much though." She spoke, equally uncomfortable.

"Oh." 

"Akeem said about how the copper-weakness seems suspicious."

"Uh-huh." 

"Even found pictures of Titan showing no weakness to it."

"Maybe Titan was stronger than Metro Man-"

"Nope."

"Hmm," Bernard grunted.

"The issue is that we don't have any concrete proof."

"I see."

Bernice slumped in her seat and stared out of the window to watch the citizens of Metro City pass by, going about their day, being boring. 

"How's the late shift at the museum going?" Bernice grumbled, keeping her eyes on the horizon.

"Busy."

Bernard changed up a gear with a little more force than what was needed.

"Really?" Bernice grunted, unconvinced.

"People _love_ Megamind," Bernard answered, his mouth barely willing to produce the affectionate word.

Bernice drew in a heavy breath and blew it out gratingly through her nostrils.

"He is the best, after all," Bernard decreed, the flutter of a grin on his lips.

"You're joking. Metro Man successfully faked his death and fooled thousands. Megamind could never!" Bernice continued the jestful tone, her right hand flying up, pointing the heavens.

_"Sure."_

"You don't believe me?"

"Your words, not mine."

"Prove it to me then. Prove to me he's really dead." Bernice cackled, her finger pointing daringly at Bernard.

"How?" 

"Take me to his memorial at the museum. Let me see him for myself, after hours." Bernice suggested like this was a completely ordinary request.

The car slowed and Bernard moved the gear into first before they completely stopped at the red lights.

"Is this the _concrete proof_ you were talking about?" Bernard questioned, his voice turning dull again.

"What? Pshh, who do you think I am? But, also, if the other members of the club and Matilda can come to that would be ideal." Bernice coolly responded.

Bernard sighed loudly making no effort to hide his aggravation.

"Bernice. If Metro man has faked his death, then do you really think he'd be wanting a bunch of kids sneaking around trying to find him?" Bernard more stated than asked. He let his line of sight reach her for a brief second, before turning back to focus on the road.

Bernice appeared to be on pause.

The lights turned green and the van drove on. 

Bernice opened her mouth slightly and said in just a little more than a whisper "Someone needs to be there for him for once, don't you think?"

\------------------------------------------  
**The Cadaver Conspiracy Club**

**Mrs-Metro-Flan:** Guys, we're going grave robbing.  
\------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have an unhealthy obsession with italics.


	4. The Hero's Remains

Friday night had come around all too quickly. The plan was in motion.

The conspiracy crew were packed into Bernard's minivan and they were making their way to the Megamind Museum. Bernard had told Bernice long ago that Megamind himself had insisted a section of the exhibit was devoted to their previous hero. Metro Man's parents were privately contacted and they concluded that the best place for his remains was in his memorial, so that the public could come to the museum and pay their respects. 

"So what part of him is Matilda nabbing?" Bernice asked, rubbing her hands together. Her excitement was deafening.

Matilda gulped, shook her head and reassured "I only need a tiny sample. Just a few... scrapes of him into a petri dish." she laughed nervously.

Akeem looked like he was about to throw up.

Ren clapped, making Matilda and Akeem jump, and chirped "Exactly! No one will even notice a difference." 

Ren was of even higher spirits than usual as she had been attending a classmate's party before Bernard had picked her up. She was still decked out in an over-sized blue checkered shirt, leggings and a ragged pair of off-white trainers. Up both arms were several glow-in-the-dark bracelets that were lighting up the back seating area. 

It would have been pitch black outside if not for the light pollution radiating from the streetlights and houses. The van twisted and turned through the tight, residential area roads and Matilda couldn't shake the feeling that the houses were surveilling them.

_Matilda had tried to convince the group just to ask the Museum owner for permission to take a sample, but Bernice and Akeem had successfully argued that they couldn't trust anyone because 'who knows who's in on Metro Man's fake death?'._

The group fell into silence as they saw the looming Megamind statue in the distance.

"It's not too late to turn around." Bernard sighed to the crew from the front. 

Half of the team wanted nothing more than this but paired with their worry of disappointing Ren or the team, they weren't sure how Bernard would feel making a wasted trip. They had the feeling that an angry Bernard was not something they wanted to see in their lifetimes.

"Why would we do that?" Bernice called back.

Bernard shrugged. 

The minibus pulled to a stop. They were here. 

Bernard got out and the wind immediately hurtled through his hair, pulling it horizontally. He pushed his way against the wind, with surprising ease, to pull open the side door.

The chill swept up the conspiracy crew instantly. 

Matilda shrieked, affected worst by the cold as she was wearing just her Taekwondo gear tied with a blue belt. She had said her lesson was in the afternoon but had lost track of time and forgot to change into something more suitable before this evening came around. 

Ren, with forearms almost bare, decorated by the party bracelets, embraced the wind with open arms and took a deep breath of the frosty air. She was the first to leap out onto the tarmac. 

Bernice jumped next, feeling too hot if anything under a constricting number of dark green and brown layers. 

Ka-pow jumped out after her and remained close. Bernice had dressed him in a white, quilted jumper with a golden _'M'_ which he wore with his shoulders back and chin up.

The last two followed apprehensively, Matilda showing Akeem an empathetic look. 

Bernard shut the door and locked the vehicle before plodding over to the staff entrance.

"Follow me," he instructed, drearily. 

Akeem admitted to himself that although Bernard was not much of a chummy sort of guy, his lack of worriment certainly put Akeem in a better headspace. Bernard was, indeed, the expert here. He knows what he's doing. _Keep telling yourself that, Akeem. He knows what he is doing,_ Akeem repeated to himself in a calming mantra.

"This is gonna be fun!" Ren laughed, grabbing onto Akeem's hand without needing to look at him. 

He smiled and held it tight in the way young siblings would do as they wander through an uncharted forest.

Matilda and Bernice walked side-by-side behind them, with Ka-pow on Bernice's left flank. Matilda looked down at her feet, embarrassed and distressed, clutching her sides to keep in whatever body heat she could. 

Bernice wordlessly took off her outer-layer and held it out in Matilda's general direction. 

Matilda saw the offering and snatched it out of her hands, chucking the green trench coat over herself. Once suited up, she inspected Bernice, preparing for some cruel quip or mean comment. When nothing came Matilda gave a slight nod of gratitude in Bernice's general direction.

Bernice tried to think of something creative or funny to say but she reminded herself that niceties were something best left to Ren.

So she said "I thought you'd have flaked out by now," but she couldn't help a gentle smile worm its way onto her face.

Matilda wore the same expression and thoughtfully replied: "Me too." 

Bernard waited at the door, impatiently holding it open. Ren galavanted in first, letting go of Akeem's hand. Akeem followed in after her, clutching the sleeve of his orange jumper.

Matilda and Bernice attempted to go through at the same time which ended up with the pair bumping into each other. The girls shifted back and sneered into their counterparts' face.

Bernice turned to Bernard and sent a look that said _'see what I have to put up with'._

He was more focused on her coat being worn by Matilda, who saw her chance to jump through the doorway into somewhere warmer.

Bernard raised his eyebrow at Bernice.

She looked daggers at him. 

The inside of the museum was pitch black. Bernard deemed it too risky to turn the lights on so had brought a heavy-duty torch with him. Bernice strapped a headlight onto Ka-pow who gave a wiggle of his head to make sure it wouldn't fall off before focusing again on keeping Bernice safe. 

The crew pulled out their phones to use as flashlights. 

Matilda started tapping furiously at her phone but no light was coming out. 

Ren rushed over to offer assistance.

She examined the phone screen before explaining "Your battery's too low."

Matilda whined and grumbled, "I'm always forgetting to charge the damned thing."

Ren tried to stay close to her so they could share the light, but Ren immediately got distracted, running her light over the exhibits, sprinting from one to the next.

The presence of light did nothing to brighten the atmosphere as the beam caused eery shadows to scuttle over the displays. They were past Megamind machines and contraptions, all sharp edges and cold steel. 

The group ploughed forward towards the Metro Man memorial. 

The lights were still off but the crew could tell that the room was coated in white marble and chiselled to perfection. It was clean and smelled strongly of bleach. _The Scott's pay very well to keep the place unblemished._

Bernard gestured uninterestedly to the tomb in the middle of the room. 

"Over there."

It was quite literally in the middle of the room. It was floating. The tomb flew above their heads, too high for any of them to reach. 

Akeem refused to raise his head to the sarcophagus and spoke like a prophet "Even in death he remains above us." ending with a tut. 

"Woah!" Ren blurted out, and leapt to investigate the mechanism, "Magnets?" she asked the room.

"Yes," Bernard answered, walking over to a control panel on the wall.

Ren's eyes followed him.

He entered a set of digits and paused before an electronic tune started singing as if played by a harmonica.

Matilda and Bernice recognised the song as _'Are you lonesome tonight?'_

You could tell that it was supposed to be a sombre ballad but it came over as tacky and tasteless. 

_'Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?_

_Tell me, dear, are you lonesome tonight?'_

Everyone watched as the casket started to majestically lower before settling tenderly on the floor. 

The music stopped to everyone's relief.

"Won't security be made aware that you've entered the code after hours? Mister Bernice's brother," Matilda asked, darting her eyes over the walls to check for security cameras.

"No."

"But what if someone checks-"

"They won't."

"And if they do?"

"I will say that I left, forgot that I hadn't turned the power off to Metro Man's floating coffin so came back to switch it off to conserve money." Bernard groaned.

"Oh. Wait, but what about the security footage. Won't it be checked?" She questioned him again.

"No."

"Okay, sure, _no,_ but what if it is? Then we'll all get sent to prison. Bernice, you said your brother had a plan!"

Ren was still too busy checking out the control panel to play the diffuser. 

Bernice opened her mouth to respond but Bernard got there first.

"And I do," Bernard put his foot down, "There will be no security footage." he continued, exasperated, "Because those cameras don't record anything. They're just for show," he aggressively pointed out each recording device, some even Matilda hadn't noticed.

"...What?" 

"Its cheaper and gets Metro Man's parents off the museum's back. The cameras work as a deterrent, but they don't actually work," he lectured. 

_The Scott's paid the museum abundantly for top security too, but the director believed it wouldn't hurt to keep most of it for his own pockets, and what the couple didn't know wouldn't hurt them. It's not like anyone these days cares enough about Metro Man to break in any way. _

"But...but that's so callous. To lie to his parents about this. Its-"

_"Business,"_ Akeem finished, shrugging his shoulders. 

"It's their _son_!" Matilda barked back, "It's his final resting place."

"That we're about to break open and steal from," Bernice jumped in, solemnly, stroking Ka-pow behind the ears. 

Matilda opened her jaw to argue but soon closed it again. She shook her head gently, then it retreated into her shoulders, and she swallowed hard. 

"Let's just get this over with," she mumbled. 

"My sentiments exactly," Bernard added, placing his hands on the lid of the box.

He began pushing it over to reveal the inside.

"Bernice, the other side," he directed.

Bernice rushed to the other side of the tomb, grabbed the lid and, after instructing Ka-pow to move out the way, managed to pull it slowly to rest on the ground. 

Akeem looked at both of them quizzically, wondering how the Brown siblings seem to have such immense strength that contradicts their skinny forms. _That lid was solid marble,_ he thought. 

"It's from carrying all those books," Ren murmured so only she and Akeem could hear.

_Oh,_ he thought. 

The crew stepped forward to take a look inside but abruptly the overhead lights started flickering. 

Everyone's heads snapped up to them. 

A cold feeling drenched the room. An icy grip tugged the hairs on the back of their necks. they all froze.

A vague voice rose from somewhere outside the room. A distressed sound somewhere between wailing and moaning. All that stood between it and the group was the door. Their eyes were locked on it. 

Akeem's thoughts flooded: _Do they know we're here? Are we gonna get caught? What's Bernard's plan?_

He turned to Bernard who, _oh no,_ he was shaking. _Bernard was shaking. _

Akeem fell into a sea of panic.

The sounds got louder, now paired with ominous footsteps, heavy and damning. Whoever it was, was getting closer. Close enough now the group could tell they were just on the other side of the door.

Ren retreated, slamming her back against the wall, fingers feeling for an escape or defence. Her eyes were wide, focused and serious. Bernice snaked an arm around Bernard's. Matilda was blinking rapidly, her chest heaving.

"Leave," it commanded and the door started shaking by an immeasurable force.

The lights gave out again, plunging the room into near darkness, with only Ren's glow in the dark jewellery providing little illumination.

Ka-pow moved to rest his side on Bernice, making sure they couldn't be separated. 

The lights blasted on again. The door was open.

"Me," it continued, now standing fully in the doorway, tall, brooding and seething.

Everyone recognised him immediately. He was impossible not to recognise.

Bernice whispered with no triumph or success or satisfaction, just unadulterated terror.

_"Metro Man." _

He wore his classic costume but it was darkened and scorched. His skin was pale and lighter than his suit. His whole being was almost translucent like it was flickering between being there and not. Like a ghost.

The lights fell again. 

Bernard shrieked.

His hands reached for his younger sister and grasped her protectively. Bernice reached to cover Ka-pow's ears. 

The lights stayed off for longer this time. Akeem wasn't sure if they'd ever turn on again. He wasn't sure he wanted them to. But they did.

Metro man appeared again behind them, uncomfortably close to the cowering Ren. 

He roared deeply with the intensity of a dying star. 

_ **"ALONE!" ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Are you lonesome tonight' by Elvis Presley. I'd recommend giving the lyrics a read :))


	5. Exit Stage Left

_A prodigious explosion erupts in slow motion behind Metro Man. All evidence of the Metro Observatory disintegrates into a black powder that disappears into the air. Metro Man holds a skeleton, with a similar build to himself, by its fragile neck bone in his right hand. It's empty eye sockets are black and all-consuming. A tattered signature Metro Man cape gripped tightly to the prop's shoulders. The skeleton quakes weakly in the force of the rising flames and heat, but Metro Man is poised with confidence and clarity. He pulls the skeleton back behind him, readying to throw it towards the fake observatory, towards Megamind and Minion and Roxanne. He swiftly hurls the prop forward, sending it off with effortless strength. It flies up towards the sky at an impossible speed before falling dramatically to land perfectly into Megamind's lap. Destiny was sealed. Metro Man was dead._

  
  


Ren jumped out of her skin and yelled: _"Run!"_  


She spurred into action, grabbing a frozen Akeem, she bolted towards the open doorway.  


Caught blind by the sudden momentum Akeem almost tripped head first into the coffin. He caught the quickest of glimpses of the contents before being hauled back by Ren.  


First through the door was Akeem. Next was Bernard. Ren turned to usher the rest through.  


"Bernice! Tilda!" she shouted urgently at them.  


Bernice's feet were rooted in the ground. She couldn't tear her gaze from the viciously poised apparition towering above them. _Surely Metro Man wouldn't intend to do us harm, even in death,_ she hoped, trying to read his face. The lights were dimmed, making the titanic phantom's eyes disappear into the shadows of the room, but his smile was curved into a snarl. _He's never made that expression before, not even at Megamind,_ Bernice heeded.  


Matilda was trembling behind Bernice. She tried tapping the Metro Man expert's shoulder to snap her out of her trance, fearing any quicker action may set him off. She gained no response.  


The thickening tension was sliced through with a crisp, robust, ominous lightning strike crescendo reverberating through the room.  


Metro Man pounced forward.  


Bernice's eyes blew wide yet she still couldn't rip her feet from their place. She found she didn't need to as, suddenly, someone wordlessly wrapped their arm tightly around her midriff and raised her up from behind before sprinting off to the door. Bernard. She gratefully noted that he had Ka-pow detained with his other arm, who looked entirely unpeturbed by the current happenings and by all accounts seemed hungry if anything.  


The strides of a titan thundered behind them.  


The nearing quake marched towards the still Matilda. Her fight-or-flight response kicked in.  


She leapt forward to face Metro Man head-on.  


"Tilda!" Ren screamed again, not believing her eyes.  


Bernice wriggled in Bernard's grip to turn her vision to the scene, "Matilda! Stop!" she shouted, her voice breaking. All of Metro Man's known powers rushed around her mind like a wheel of fortune. It wasn't a matter of whether he would use his gifts to hurt Matilda, more a question of _which one._  


Matilda propelled at him like a bullet, raising her leg impressively high, the top half of her Taekwondo gear revealing itself under Bernice's coat.  


Ren jumped forward to pull her back but it was too late.  


A yell of fear and rage and effort escaped the newcomer's throat as her foot flew through the air to capably boot a shocked Metro Man in the chin.  


He catapulted back, his head hitting the wall behind him, a sharp crack sounding.  


"We're just trying to help!" Matilda yelped before retreating though the door, _"Well, come on then,"_ she encouraged Ren as if the leader had not been waiting for her.  


Metro Man stood back upright and reached his hand behind his head to inspect the damage.  


Ren rushed through the doorway before hastily shutting the door behind them. The leader turned to face the others, ready to lead them back to the van. It was then she realised that they had already gone, leaving just her and Matilda alone there. The two looked down both ends of the corridor, then to each other, neither knowing which path to take.  


The sound of an offended Metro Man growling from behind the two-inch door sprung them into action and they ran down the poorly lit corridor to their right.

  
  


Bernard had led Akeem, Bernice and Ka-pow down the left corridor and were now waiting inside the minibus. Bernard was ready at the driver's seat with white knuckles gripping the wheel. His eyes darted everywhere.  


Akeem sat with his arms crossed over his knees and a seat belt awkwardly securing him in his seat. He was motionless, barely blinking, his quick breathing fogging up his glasses.  


\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
**_The Cadaver Conspiracy Club_**  
**_Mrs-Metro-Flan:_** Me, Bro and Akeem are at the van.  
**_Mrs-Metro-Flan:_** Where are u both @?  
**_Mrs-Metro-Flan:_** Lost?  
**_Mrs-Metro-Flan:_** I'm gettin mad, Wanna go home  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


Bernice made sure to turn her ringer on to full volume before dropping the phone down on the seat next to her.  


Ka-pow was cosied up into her side and peacefully gnawing on a dog treat.  


"Akeem."  


His head jolted up.  


"What do you know about ghosts?" Bernice's tone sounding mildly aggravated.  


He parted his lips and furiously whispered "Ghosts are not real," holding a pause between each word.  


Bernard and Bernice scoffed in unison.  


Akeem's lips closed again and the van fell into an eerie chorus of sudden breaths and untactful fidgeting.

  
  


Ren lead the duo using a trial-and-error tactic to find the exit.  


Ren's trial and error method had served her well in the past but today she learnt this particular technique becomes drastically less efficient when one's system is being drowned in adrenaline due to being chased by a resurrected god amongst men with a temper tantrum down dark, creepy corridors that all look identical.  


The pair twisted round another corner. Ren noted that Megamind's diffuser gun, which was set to the wall on their right, seemed dreadfully familiar and hoped that Matilda hadn't noticed.  


The lights began to flicker in time with the heartbeat they both could hear drumming in their ears. Each time the corridor ahead became visible a grey figure could be seen rapidly growing in size with what remained of his cape stirring dramatically behind him.  


The twosome didn't wait a breath to abandon their path and quickly spun on their heals. A cold feeling paired with the odour of old ash crept up on them from behind which drove Ren and Matilda faster still. The former hero lurked barely 5 strides behind them and was gaining.  


Matilda risked a peek behind her and yelled: "Just leave us alone!"  


Ren turned her head too. Suddenly, a vibration from her back pocket stole her attention. She instinctively grabbed her phone and an idea hit her. A quick glance showed her a message from Bernice:  


\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_**'Mrs-Metro-Flan** messaged The Cadaver Conspiracy Club, **Mrs-Metro-Flan:**_ Me, Bro and Akeem are at the van.'  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


_Great, so those three are safe,_ Ren reassured herself. She took the device in her hand and, staring at the perfect white of Metro Man's teeth, lobbed the phone at them with as much accuracy as she could summon.  


It bounced off his chin causing their pursuer to stop completely as another crack sounded.  


Matilda and Ren kept running until all signs of him deceased.  


"What about your phone!" Matilda laughed as her pace slowed.  


"I'll just have to save up for another one," she groaned, "Can you message the group to let them know we're on the way?"  


"Absolutely-" Matilda took out her phone which glared bleakly with a red _'1%'_ before turning black, "-not, nope, It's dead."  


Ren whined a sound of grievance.  


The lights stabled here which shone a light illuminating the car park outside through a high window.  


"Looks like it should be this way," Ren instructed, making a sharp left.  


It was a long way off but it gave Ren an idea of direction.  


Matilda followed suit. 

  
  


Time was working in a vacuum in the van. It could have been anywhere between five minutes and an hour before Akeem moved.  


He gently unfolded himself and tugged his backpack over from its hidden spot underneath his seat. He tenderly pulled the back pocket zip open. He lifted out his Macbook. He opened the screen along with his lungs in his first calm breath of the night. Grazing his hands over the keys his forefinger settled on the power button and pressed it delicately. The screen lit up the night as the light beams refracted through his glasses. His still manner continued but it had shifted from dread to stream-lined focus. He looked more like himself again.  


After the shock had subsided Bernice found herself suffering from obnoxious predictions which bubbled on the edge of her brain that presented her visions of how Matilda and Metro Man's confrontation could have gone. They all turned sour.  


"They're not replying, probably still in there," Bernice murmured.  


Akeem and Bernard grunted agreeably.  


"We should go back in." she said with more certainty.  


Akeem and Bernard grunted disagreeably.  


"Ren will get them out," Akeem assured, his focus not leaving the screen.  


"But you saw what happened with Matilda-"  


Akeem cut her off with a look of death that frightened her almost as much as Metro Man had. Almost.  


Bernice chewed her cheek.  


Akeem continued to type quickly on his keyboard, appearing not to be giving a second thought to the matter. He pushed up his glasses and peered forward at his device.  


Bernice pushed her own glasses up in response, swallowed her pride, and agreed "He did say _'Leave me alone'._ I doubt he'd want to trap them in there if he wants us gone."  


Akeem paused his typing momentarily. An unpleasant thought appeared to cross his face. He shook it away and the sound of systematic tapping resumed. 

  
  


There was no sign of the spectre but the leader and the newcomer decided not to test their luck and tried to stay quiet.  


Ren whispered an endearingly clumsy, pre-planned speech "Tilda, if you want to leave the club after this we'll understand. No peer pressure. No shaming. I know Bernice hasn't been the kindest to you and you didn't want to join in the first place and then we made you come with us to break into the Megamind-freaking-museum-" she gestured dramatically, flapping her arms at the empty space around her, "and this was scary enough without mister tights showing up and I'm sorry."  


Ren looked her in the eyes to show that she meant it.  


Matilda chuckled softly and whispered back "Thank you, but, well, to be honest. Look, you know how I _should_ be feeling right now?" she paused, "I should be terrified. I should be angry at you guys for convincing me to do this and I should have quit as soon as you guys told me the plan, to heck with my parents, but that isn't the case at all. You know how I'm feeling right now?"  


Ren immersed herself in Matilda's words.  


"I feel alive."  


Ren beamed as bright as her glow-in-the-dark adornments.  


Matilda's volume hitched up a notch, "and after kicking Metro Man in his shady, arrogant, obnoxious face, I felt powerful. I felt fearless. I felt heroic."  


"Ah, so you're an adrenaline junkie now?" Ren chuckled, patting Matilda's arm with the back of her hand teasingly.  


"I suppose I am!" Matilda laughed back.  


The pair giggled on. Their voices and spirits continued to rise as they meandered towards their friends.

  
  


Bernice pulled out her Metro Man branded notepad.  


She spotted Akeem's pencil case nestled in his open backpack. The Metro Man expert reached for it. She brashly snatched the case to steal a pen.  


"Put it back," Akeem scolded.  


"I won't break it. You can trust me."  


"I still don't want you to use it," Akeem's eyes flickered to Bernice's.  


She paused a moment to think: "You know I'm not like the others, right?"  


Bernice kept the case close to her chest.  


Akeem's typing ceased and he scoffed "What does that mean?"  


Her eyes creased.  


"You know. We're the _intellectuals."_  


"What has that got to do with my stationery?" he inquired plainly.  


"We're one and the same. You can entrust me with your _precious_ pencil case."  


She leaned forward closer to Akeem but as she did so, the metallic case fell straight onto the floor. The latch snapped by the impact and it flew clean off. The container opened and the orange and black array of ink pens, pencils, rulers and other equipment Bernice didn't know the name of exploded over the floor like bomb fragments, crashing and smacking various surfaces, each sound making Bernice cringe deeper. The noise stopped for one peaceful moment before one particularly rogue pen decided to start rolling down from one end of the van, sneaking overtly between Bernice's doc.martins and Akeem's desert boots, to the other end of the minibus, smacking into the back doors like a mallet hitting a gong in a grand finale.  


First, Bernice held her breath. Her eyes hooked onto Akeem's, trying to gauge his reaction. Next, she clenched her jaw. A fury burned in her features, her whole body tensed.  


Akeem's face remained neutral as if he hadn't noticed what happened.  


Bernard subtly crouched a little lower in his seat, tapping himself on the back for deciding to stick in the front so he could avoid his sister's antics.  


"Its okay," Akeem grumbled more to his stationary than to Bernice but she recognised the effort.  


"You know, if you'd just let me use your ruddy pen this wouldn't've happened," she snapped back.  


"No," he replied monotonously, leaning down to start picking up his possessions, "This happened because you are self-centred and lash out when people don't let you do what you want, Bernice," he didn't bother to look at her.  


She froze over. Disbelieving.  


"I'm not angry because I knew this would happen. This is you. This is what you do."  


Bernice took a shuddery breath.  


"I respect your intelligence but don't think I deem it the only important quality in a person and often it is the only thing you have to offer. We are professional associates, Bernice, nothing more."  


Bernard's eyes bulged a little awkwardly.  


Bernice leaned back and crossed her arms in protest, making no move to help Akeem pick up after her accident, and scoffed, "Just screw off, Akeem. You don't know me and you're not nearly as clever as you think you are."  


Akeem didn't respond but it still felt like he won which managed to make Bernice put on an even uglier expression.  


Bernard cleared his throat and Bernice saw he was holding out a pencil behind him. Offering it to her. She snatched it and placed herself as far away from the others in the van as she could.  


Ka-pow shuffled himself back into her side.  


Staring furiously at her notepad, she started scribbling away recordings of their encounter with the Metro Man ghost. She siezed a grape from her lunchbox in between bullet points. Though she soon stopped and proceeded to shove the notepad and pen in her back pocket.  


She stood up, her speed shaking the vehicle, and announced: "I'm going out to find Ren and Matilda."  


"Bernice, that's not a good idea," Bernard spoke lacklusterly, knowing her mind was already made up.  


She shot him a look that confirmed his suspicions then swaggered over to the door. Ka-pow perked up immediately to join her.  


Akeem was sure that Ka-pow side-eyed him and snorted.  


Bernard was taking off his seat belt to join her when the door erupted open. Bernice shrieked as she barely managed to stop herself from diving straight into the party of Ren and Matilda situated right outside. The artificial light of Ren's gear illuminated their monstrously toothy grins.  


"Heya!" Ren shouted into the frosty abyss of the inhabitants.


End file.
